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  • Archaeology and the Bible 5 1
Topic: Archaeology and the Bible  (Read 17994 times)


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Re: Archaeology and the Bible
« Reply #150 on: June 10, 2012, 06:20:08 pm »
The Bible is the inspired word of God, and we can  trust in what it claims to be true. I'm so glad that archaelogical discoveries support the biblical accounts.

There's no evidence to support the first claim and the second indicates a failure to discern what constitutes eveidence.  Implicitly claiming that 'the bible says the bible is true' is circular illogic.  Finding ruins is not equivalent to concluding that the far-fetched religious claims have any validity; that's a logical fallacy.

"Kissing Hank's Butt*;
A parable by Rev. Jim Huber:

   This morning there was a knock at my door.   When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple.   The man spoke first, saying "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

MARY:  Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's butt* with us.
ME:  Pardon me? What are you talking about? Who is Hank, and why would I
want to kiss his butt*?
JOHN:  If you kiss Hank's butt*, he will give you a million dollars; and if
you don't, he will kick the crap** out of you.
ME:  What is this, some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?
JOHN:  Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town.  Hank
owns this town.  He can do what ever he wants and what he wants is to give
you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his butt*.
ME:  That doesn't make any sense. Why would ...
MARY: Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million
dollars?  Isn t it worth a little kiss on the butt*?
ME:  Well I don't know, even if this is legit and all, but...
JOHN:  Then come kiss Hank's butt* with us.
ME:  Tell me, do you kiss Hank's butt* often?
MARY:  Oh yes, all the time...
ME:  And has he given you a million dollars?
JOHN:   Well no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town.
ME:  So why don't you just leave town now?
MARY:   You can't leave until Hank tells you to or you don't get the
money and he kicks the crap** out of you.
ME:  Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's butt*, left town, and got
the million dollars?
JOHN:    My mother kissed Hank's butt* for years.  She left town last year
and I'm sure she got the money.
ME:  Haven't you talked to her since then?
JOHN:    Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it.
ME:  So what makes you think he will actually give you the money if
you have never talked to anyone who got the money?
MARY:   Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you will
get a raise; maybe you will win a small lotto; maybe you will just find
a twenty dollar bill on the street.
ME:  What does that got to do with Hank?
JOHN:    Hank has certain ...  connections.
ME:  I'm sorry but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game.
JOHN:    But it IS a million dollars.  Can you really take the chance? And
remember, if you DON'T kiss Hank's butt* he will kick the crap** of you.
ME:  Maybe if I could see Hank; talk to him and get the details straight
from him...
MARY:   No one sees Hank.  No one talks to Hank.
ME:  Then how do you kiss his butt*?
JOHN:   Sometimes we just blow him a kiss and think of his butt*.  Other
times we kiss Karl's butt*, and he passes it on.
ME:   Who is Karl?
MARY:   A friend of ours and a personal friend of Hank's.  He's the
one who taught us all about kissing Hank's butt*.  All we had to do was
take him out to dinner a few times.
ME:   And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank,
that Hank wanted you to kiss his butt* and that Hank would reward you?
JOHN:    Oh no! Karl has got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining
the whole thing. Here is a copy; see for your self.
  John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on - From the desk of
  Karl - letterhead.  There were eleven items listed:
    1.)  Kiss Hank's butt* and he will give you a million dollars when you
         leave town.
    2.)  Use alcohol in moderation.
    3.)  Kick the crap** out of people who do not believe as you do.
    4.)  Eat right.
    5.)  Hank dictated this list himself.
    6.)  The moon is made of green cheese.
    7.)  Everything Hank says is right.
    8.)  Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
    9.)  Do not drink alcohol.
    10.)  Eat your hotdogs on buns, no condiments.
    11.)  Kiss Hank's butt* or he will kick the crap** out of you.
ME:  This would appear to be written on Karl's Letterhead.
MARY:  Hank did not have any paper.  Or, a pen.
ME:  I have a hunch that if we checked we would find this is Karl's handwriting.
JOHN:   Of course, Hank dictated it to Karl.
ME:  I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?
MARY:   Not now;  but years ago he would talk to some people.
ME:   I thought you said Hank was a philanthropist. What sort of
philanthropist kicks the crap** out of people just because they are
MARY:  It's what Hank wants and Hank is always right.
ME:   How do you figure that?
MARY:  Item 7 says - Everything Hanks says is right.-  That's good enough
for me!
ME:  Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up.
JOHN (gasping)  No way!  Item 5 says, - Hank dictated this list himself.- Besides,
item 2 says, - Use alcohol in moderation. - Item 4 says, - Eat right.- And
item 8 says, - Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.- Everyone
knows *those* things are right; so the rest must be true, too.
ME:  But 9 says, - Do not drink alcohol - which does not quite go with item 2.
     And 6 says, - The moon is made of green cheese. - which is just plain wrong.
JOHN:  There is no contradiction between 9 and 2.  9 just clarifies 2. As far as
6 goes, you have never been to the moon; so you cannot say for sure.
ME:  Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock.
MARY:  But they do not know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of
space, so it could just as easily be green cheese.
Me:  I am not really an expert but I think the theory that the Moon came
from the Earth has been discounted.  Besides, not knowing *where* the rock
came from doesn't mean it *could* be green cheese rather than rock.
JOHN:   Aha!  You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know
Hank is always right!
ME:  We do?
MARY:   Of course we do, Item 5 says so.
ME:  So, you're saying that Hank is always right because the list
says so? The list is right because Hank dictated it and we know that Hank
dictated it because the list says that he dictated says so?
JOHN:   Now you're getting it!  It's so rewarding to see someone come around
to Hank's way of thinking.
ME:  But...Oh,  never mind.  What's the deal with the hotdogs?
Mary blushes.
JOHN:   Hotdogs; in buns, no condiments.  It's Hank's way. Anything else
is wrong.
ME:  What if I don't have a bun?
JOHN:   No bun, no weiner.  A weiner without a bun is wrong.
ME:  No relish? No Mustard?
Mary looks positively stricken.
JOHN shouts, "There's no need for such language!  Condiments of any
kind are wrong!"
ME:  So a big pile of sauerkraut with some weiners chopped up in it
would be out of the question?
MARY (sticking her fingers in her ears):   I am not listening to this!  
La la la, la la, la la la.....
JOHN:   That is disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that.
ME:  But it's good! I eat it lots of times.
Mary faints.  John catches her.
JOHN:   Well, if I had known you were one of THOSE, I wouldn't have wasted
my time.  When Hank kicks the *bleep* out of you, I want to be there.

John drags Mary to their waiting car and speeds off to another house down the way."
{* - euphemism   ** - another eumphemism}

« Last Edit: June 10, 2012, 06:23:36 pm by falcon9 »
One can lead a horse to water however, if one holds the horse's head under, that horse will drown.


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