Marriage and children

[levettepough]

At what age do you think that a couple is ready for marriage and how soon after marriage should children be considered?

[kingozzy]

mid twenties is a good age to get married, and anytime after that is good for children

[msmoneybags48]

The subject of marriage and children depends upon the couple.  My suggestion is to make sure that is really what you want, because marriage changes your life drastically.  It also depends upon the reason; some men, when they get a woman pregnant, decide that he wants the child to have their name.  Having married the first time at the age of 17 (my mother signed the papers only because she talked to him and learned he had been in the Army; he was 27), my life changed in ways I didn't expect.  He had been deployed to Vietnam and returned a changed man.  He would cry and reminisce about "me, PeeWee and Poole", referring to his two partners.  He was an alcoholic (his mother drank while she carried him in the womb; she gave birth to 10 children and gave them all away except for two, who were killed in a car accident) and I suffered abuse at his hands.  He had hit on the sister of a friend of mine, and two months later, came to me and decided he didn't want to be married anymore.  I left him in February 1980, and discovered 10 months after I left him that he was still married to his first wife for the first six months we were married.  When he called my cousin to wish her and her family a Merry Christmas, I gave him the news over the phone and gave him a choice; he get the divorce or I get it, and he finally divorced me on my 23rd birthday.  I waited three years before I married again, had a baby (my daughter is 28 now) and divorced him after an 11 year separation.  I know for sure my marriage this time is legal, because I have seen his divorce papers and he has seen my divorce papers.  I call this marriage my first marriage, as the other two were not legal.

I am not saying that marriage is a bad thing; I am saying that you should really search your mind to make sure that it is really what you want.  Marriage is not a choice that you can always walk away from, and your life does change, sometimes in good things as well as bad things.  If you are sure you want to do that, then get married.  Children are your most precious commodity and it is best that you get married because you love each other, not because you are single and pregnant and you want the child to have a father.  Children can come later, but make sure you are ready for it.  I hope you make the right decision.  

[ladavia89]

It really depends on the individuals involved .  I know I'm not ready for marriage and children at 24 but I have friends that have been happily married with children for a few years now. Some people are mature enough and emotionally ready to be able to get married at 18 and remain happily married until death. Other people may be in their 40s and 50s and still not ready.

[ahman505]

Depends on how mature you and your SO is. Some can handle marriage while others crumble at the thought.

[mjdoug03]

It's different for each person.  I married my husband when I was almost 23 and we wanted children right away.  Five years later though we're still waiting.  We've had a lot of fertility issues and are currently with an adoption agency.

[Tresbn00]

I think that it depends entirely on the individuals.  Some people should never get married because they just aren't mature or selfless enough.  Marriage is a huge commitment and requires give and take from both parties. Responsibility and commitment are two other factors that go into the equation. And before children are even in the thought process a couple needs to make sure that their very own relationship is intact enough to have their attention stretched further.  I waited until I was thirty so that I was somewhat on the right path financially.  I waited until after we had been dating for two years and it was still and adjustment. Children came three years after marriage.

[davidh121]

I'm not sure if there is a criteria for either.  Just do one or both when a person is ready.  A number of my friends have been marrying in their 30s and a few have children (another is trying and another is deciding not to have any).  As to myself, I have one child, but I'm working on the marriage portion.

[Sendmicheck]

Marriage is a big step and children comes when God want to bless you.  I am fortunate to have my children at a time when I were ready.  The late twenties is a perfect time to start a family.  The older a person get the harder it is to conceive.

[Getinonthis]

It's hard to say because both marriage and raising of children calls for a great level of maturity. Depending on how long they've been together I'd say build a relationship together while preparing to become parents.

[inertia4]

This day in age I think marriage is something that should be avoided. If I had to do it all over again, I would not marry. But if you are looking to marry, I would wait well into my 30's before I would think about it.

[Ashleysmoney3]

I got married when I was 22 in 2011 and had a baby right after in 2012. I didn't mind but some people thought it was wrong.

[moon29]

i think it really depends on how mature the couple is.  i married my husband when i was 26 and he was 23 and in all honesty he could have used a bit more maturity but now four years later he has grown in a more mature adult and has realized that family is more important then video games.

[babyturtles23]

I think it all depends on how mature BOTH of the people in the relationship are.

[maxinmotion]

My daughter married her high school sweetheart last year at the age of 24.  The two of them had been together for 7 years. They do not have any children yet but her husband's mom want them to have kids asap. I think the choice is theirs when to get married and when to have children.

My daughter was born when I was 26 years old and I felt like the time was right. There will always be people to disagree with whatever choice one make. So do what feels right to you.