I dont know what to do :(

[countrygirl12]

You're just going to have to back off.  She made her wishes clear so you should respect them (hard as it may be).  She is just hurting you over and over again.  You can let her know you'll be there if she wants to ever talk though. 

Exactly.  You cannot get over the hurt if you keep on trying to force her to let you be a part of your life.  The only way you can get over it and move on somewhat is to do just that....move on.  Stop trying to force her.  And if you really wanted to just for you and I just thought of this....

You could make a new email for her.  You could send emails like you are sending to her.  But it is really an email you made and you have the password for.  If you wanted you could have it set up so that when you die the email address and log in is sent to her and she can log in and read the emails if she wishes.  But you would need to log in to that email address periodically to keep it from getting shut down for inactivity.  This way it is kind of like you are talking to her.  Not a lot different than now because she doesn't respond either way.  But it could make you feel better.

[countrygirl12]

Well I hope I am not giving the wrong advise but how are you going to continue like this?  I believe one day she will realize the error of her ways but I hope it isn't too late for your benefit. I haven't seen or talked to my sister or brother since our mom died in 2010 (not my doing) and I found more peace when I finally gave up on us ever having a relationship again. You can make someone see sense. Well sorry you are going through this I sure hope she doesn't go through this with her own kids since this is what she is portraying to them.   

When I hear stuff like this I wonder why.  I talked to a man at my cousin's funeral and I did not know him but as we stood in line he was telling me how he and his brother had not spoke to his sister since their mother's funeral.  Been several years.  He said she was POA over their mother's finances and she changed the will and let everything to herself and left the brothers out.  So when I hear about families breaking up I wonder why it happened.

I have family that I have not talked to in quite some time. The one got mad at me and I have NO idea why. I refuse to push somebody to be a part of my life. 

[countrygirl12]

I think any  relationship can be repaired, you and your daughter need to talk it out, have a mediator to help with whatever is going on,. She will one day regret having said something to you that she can't make right, one thing you don't do is put kids in adults situations, which your daughter thinks making your grands dislike you because of how she feels about you is wrong, talk to your Pastor of your church, he can help bridge the gap and make things tolerable between the two of you. But I say don't give up on your child, because she is acting like a child who needs to learn that no matter how bad a situation is, you don't turn your back on your parent and or child. God sees and knows what you are going thru, he will make things right for you, so don't give up, no matter how hard she makes it for you. Love knows no bounds. Trust and believe. God Bless, I will pray for you and her. Prayer helps. So keep praying that she will come back into your life.

The pastor cannot do anything if the daughter does not want the mother to be a part of her life.  I kind of remember vaguely the OP mentioning some of why she hates her.  There are always 2 sides to every situation.  And the truth somewhere in the middle.  Getting a pastor involved would only make things worse.  If she pushes too hard the daughter can take out a restraining order or no contact order and if it is violated the OP can go to jail.  I would back off.  The daughter knows how to contact her mother.  Hopefully the next contact the daughter has will not be someone telling her that her mother has died.

[alice44]

I would give her the space she wants, yet let her know you are there and always will be.  Send birthday, Christmas, & special occasion cards to her and to the grandchildren.  If there is an emergency, let her know FYI. l Not that you are expecting anything from her in return.  You are family and always will be, but some of our kids want to lead their own lives and we need to let them. 

[ghunter]

Give her some time and maybe she will come around.  What in the world did you do for her to stop speaking to you, you are her mother no matter what.

[countrygirl12]

I would give her the space she wants, yet let her know you are there and always will be.  Send birthday, Christmas, & special occasion cards to her and to the grandchildren.  If there is an emergency, let her know FYI. l Not that you are expecting anything from her in return.  You are family and always will be, but some of our kids want to lead their own lives and we need to let them. 

There is a difference in leading your own life and completely shutting your mother out of your life.

[countrygirl12]

Give her some time and maybe she will come around.  What in the world did you do for her to stop speaking to you, you are her mother no matter what.

I know a couple who have  2 children.  As soon as they turned 18 both of them left.  They are both in to things they should not be.  They do contact every now and then but it is usually not pretty when they do.  The parents did not do anything.  They raised the girls in a good home, they had what they needed and probably most of what they wanted.  They were not allowed to run wild or anything but they were not raised in a convent either.
Nobody really knows why they are making the choices they are and have.

[annadote]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Familial relationships shouldn't be this hard.

As much as it isn't easy to hear, I think pushing someone after they ask you to not contact them again would do more harm than good. Your daughter's feelings about you won't improve if you continue to contact her after she has asked you not to. I know you want to have a relationship with your daughter, but you shouldn't have to exhaust yourself pursuing a one-sided relationship. Maybe giving her some space will provide you both the time to heal and eventually make amends.

[sak4kat]

I have found that children (Myself included) Go through stages of drifting away from family.  It's normal.  I didn't want much to do with my Mom for over 20 years.  Time lost but a decision to this day I don't regret.  I always knew Mom was there for me.  We didn't agree on things all the time.  And that was okay.  She never pushed herself into my life and respected my decision in keeping my children away from her household.  She understood where I was coming from.  And for that I give her the upmost respect.  Now with 2 adult children and one still in grade school.  My relationship with Mom and my children's relationship with Oma is at it's best most natural loving and accepting it's ever been.  She let me know she was there by sending cards.  Stopping by (Unannounced grrrr) to drop gifts off for the kids.  But she never pushed herself in or expected to be invited in. 

[mapiklfish]

I would agree with those who said send email once in a while, just thinking of you, birthday cards and such and give it some time.  Just let her know you care without pushing.

[cateyes1]

Just a little bit of why she dropped out of my life. She was seeing someone behind her then boyfriends back and she use to tell me all about it. I use to tell her that if she is not happy with her boyfriend (whom she had 2 kids with) to leave and that it was so wrong to cheat like this. Her BF and I never really got along and I believe he un did all the good in my daughter. He made her very bitter for the way he is (racist, loud, obnoxious) he one day told me " I hope you die you fat pig" well that REALLY got to me and I wanted to hurt him back so I told him about my daughter seeing this other guy....Not realizing that I was betraying my daughters trust, just wanting to hurt him....well that is when it all ended between my daughter and I. Since then they got married and had another baby who is now 5 years old and I only met 1 time. My older Grand kids who are now 16 & 13 heard an earful about me because the parents don't know how to keep things to them self so now they want nothing to do with me. Basically she is mad at me for something she shouldn't have been doing in the first place. I will admit that one day I got so mad about an email she sent me that I wrote her a very nasty one back to her calling her all kinds of names. Well she went and put it on her Facebook page and of course all her friends sided with her without even knowing the whole story. I know i'm her Mother and I shouldn't have written her such an email but one can only take so much disrespect......I want to thank you all for your advice, and right now GOD FORBID my daughter is deceased to me. A friend of mine has seen what I have gone through and she said "Ginny if you keep dwelling you are going to have a nervous break down" so I give it all up to God now, what will be will be....hugs to you all....so what do you think on my thoughts about the matter lol....<3

[teresa3200]

My daughter refused to speak to her father for years. When she was young her father and I split up. He would tell her many times he was going to come and see her or take her somewhere. most of the time he didn't show up. The last few times he just didn't show up or call and always made an excuse afterwards. Then he just disappeared to avoid paying child support. After my daughter turned 18 he contacted her by email, she wrote him a pretty mean email back. He kept trying and sometimes she emailed a snotty letter back or wouldn't reply at all. I tried very hard to get her to be respectful of her father, but she felt he left her when she was young, so why is he bothering now. She got married last year in January and she sent him several pics through Facebook. He was so proud he instantly used her pics for his background picture. Two days after her wedding I got a call from his girlfriend that he had passed away. My daughter then realized she had made a huge mistake and really regretted not making up with her dad.
I think you should keep trying without being too pushy. Send cards or emails on occasions, but leave her alone  for the most part otherwise. Hopefully she will come around sooner or later and thank you for them.

[ccandpam]

I have kind of been in your situation and what I did was told Him that I love Him and I would always be there for Him. I
told Him that my door would always be open and then I gave Him his space. I know it is hard, but I believe that they will come around. Remember that Prayer is the most powerful thing that you can do. turn it all over to Our Father in Heaven.

[dreamyxo]

My brother is going through something similar with his 20 something daughter.  Not only does she not speak to him but she has also turned her back on her grandparents who tied calling her but she never called back.  My brother is in the process of divorce and his soon to be ex wife has told some nasty lies on my brother and also mother. 

My brother was a good father to his daughter and they both know this but she chooses to side the lies of her drug addict lying mother.  Maybe one day she'll snap out of it and see how wrong she is before it's too late.  My brother stopped trying to contact her even though he still continues to pay her health insurance.  Oh well what can you do if someone refuses to talk to you?  You can't make them.

[cateyes1]

I have found that children (Myself included) Go through stages of drifting away from family.  It's normal.  I didn't want much to do with my Mom for over 20 years.  Time lost but a decision to this day I don't regret.  I always knew Mom was there for me.  We didn't agree on things all the time.  And that was okay.  She never pushed herself into my life and respected my decision in keeping my children away from her household.  She understood where I was coming from.  And for that I give her the upmost respect.  Now with 2 adult children and one still in grade school.  My relationship with Mom and my children's relationship with Oma is at it's best most natural loving and accepting it's ever been.  She let me know she was there by sending cards.  Stopping by (Unannounced grrrr) to drop gifts off for the kids.  But she never pushed herself in or expected to be invited in. 

After 20 years what made you to want to start talking to your Mother again?