Jokes*Stories*Funny Pictures

[MystedMoon]

awwwwwww those cat pics are soooooooo adorable. ty for sharing those

You are most welcome. Glad you enjoyed them. 

[MystedMoon]

i had to put this in well cuz it's sooooo me.



A girl from Missouri and a girl from the east coast were seated side by
side on an airplane.

The girl from Missouri being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?

The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to end
a sentence with a preposition.

The girl from Missouri sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:

"So, where ya from, b*tch?

LMAO!!

[MystedMoon]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how

to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
it's
finished?"
Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then
turns to
her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to
be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a
nice cup
of tea, and then ........"

He sighed................

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box

OMG....toooooo funny! Gonna tell hubby that one. Thanks for sharing! 

[MystedMoon]

THE PANTS

Mike was going to be married to a girl named Karen. So his father sat him down
for a Little chat.

He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding Night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, "Here - try these on."
She did and said, "These are too big. I can't wear them."

I replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always
will. Don't ever forget that!"
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here try These on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said,
"Here- You try on mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart *bleep* attitude, You never will!"


 

[Madd4Money]

30 Years


On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

[MystedMoon]

30 Years


On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

OMG!
LMAO

 

[Murphy71984]

LMAO

[criesenbeck]

  hahahahahaha just to funny lmao

[meadowsmay1130]

this isn't so much funny as it is interesting.....





Count every ' F ' in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...



HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke .
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.






The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process 'OF'.


Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 'F's' on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.





Olny srmat poelpe can rae d tihs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist
and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[jlb001]

***english and the brain***

great stuff.... i love stuff like that.

i counted 3 "f"s and i read it twice.

however..... your very last line about spelling.... it IS important.

one should not become lazy due to a perception of unimportance.

had you ever submitted an application for employment with me.... and wrote a paragraph such as the last one above.... how likely do you think you'd get a call for an interview?

 

[froggyjoe]

that was interesting. had to look 3 times to find 3 of em. well jlb lol i have to differentiate here about spelling on the internet lol.. not all is going out tomorrow to find a job. they are here chatting learning. and making money and speeling is about the last thing anyone anyone is worrigging about.  for me i can not speel worth a darn. lol.my second laungauge is typoneese lol. i can read that really good. could be an internet mistypo interporter. lol..did i speel that right? kisses

[meadowsmay1130]

i didn't write that. i copy and pasted from an email, but yes spelling is important on a job application but i was just amazed that i could read that and i read 3 f's it took me like 7 time to get all of them

[jlb001]

that was interesting. had to look 3 times to find 3 of em. well jlb lol i have to differentiate here about spelling on the internet lol.. not all is going out tomorrow to find a job. they are here chatting learning. and making money and speeling is about the last thing anyone anyone is worrigging about.  for me i can not speel worth a darn. lol.my second laungauge is typoneese lol. i can read that really good. could be an internet mistypo interporter. lol..did i speel that right? kisses

while thats true..... its funny to how our casual doings can.... and DO.... seep into other areas when we dont expect it....

my brother and i had many "games" to where we'd purposely misuse words or spellings or sayings... in the context of humor... however....

fast forward 30 or so years.... as i've gotten older i do find myself sometimes struggling to get the CORRECT word or spelling.

that happens to everyone.... sure.... but how much is brought on by that brand of humor? i suspect it matters.

maybe not all that much.... but it matters.

[meadowsmay1130]

   the bathroom

This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down in the bathroom when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,

"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

[sms0922]

ROTFLMAO!!!!