Jokes*Stories*Funny Pictures

[destinyredd]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE
HOME REMEDIES

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by simply using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and  
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6. Have a bad toothache?  Smash your thumb with a hammer
and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what
the rules of life really are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You only need two tools:
WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
* If you woke up breathing, congratulations!  
You get another chance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends;
you never know when you might need them to
empty your bedpan.

[destinyredd]

With all this snow in Ohio, I wanted to give ya'll a gift.
Remember: Spring will arrive once again.   

After you  open the website below, just click your mouse anywhere on
the black space to create your garden of flowers.

P.S. Try holding down the mouse button and dragging it across the page. Also Neat!

  http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf

[lgk4]

This link is wonderful...thanks for the spring flowers on a rainy day in Northern California....

[rynecyn]

6:00 news
The new Secretary of Defense briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq .
To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

haha i just about choked on my water on this one. my nephew asked me just about the same thing a while ago 

[destinyredd]

This link is wonderful...thanks for the spring flowers on a rainy day in Northern California....

You're very welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed them. 

[destinyredd]

A young boy is attending a wedding ceremony with his Mom and Dad.

Curiously he asks his Mom:
"Why are all wedding dresses white?"

She replies to him that:
"White represents the purity of the bride."

Eager for verification, he turns to his Dad and asks him why.

His Dad turns to him and says:
"Son, all household appliances come in white."

[MystedMoon]

Wii Cat

"Nope, you don't look any thinner from this angle"

"No, I am not the new toilet paper holder!"

Let's see, you have a spot right here...

"Is it time for dinner yet?"

I promise I'll be good

Hover Cat?

"Now all I need is a beer, some chips & the remote!"

Close-Up of a cats tongue

Bigfoot?

"And she loves you, ya ya ya"

Sports announcer: "And it's a downhill curve on the slope"

"What do you mean it's NOT Rum"

These are NOT my kids!

[Madd4Money]

OMG Mysted....I so needed this laugh this week!!!!!

Thanks!!!

[MystedMoon]

OMG Mysted....I so needed this laugh this week!!!!!

Thanks!!!

You are most welcome Madd! That's why I started this thread...to put a smile upon peoples faces. In todays world and in everyone's daily life, we need laughter! MORE people need to lighten up & find the humerous part of life.
Glad I could put a smile on your face! 

[jlb001]

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.

 

[froggyjoe]

awwwwwww those cat pics are soooooooo adorable. ty for sharing those

[meadowsmay1130]

i had to put this in well cuz it's sooooo me.



A girl from Missouri and a girl from the east coast were seated side by
side on an airplane.

The girl from Missouri being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?

The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to end
a sentence with a preposition.

The girl from Missouri sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:

"So, where ya from, b*tch?

[meadowsmay1130]

A man named John received a parrot as a gift.  The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.  Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary.  Finally John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.  The parrot yelled back.  John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.  John, in desperation, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet.  Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.  I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.  As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

[meadowsmay1130]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how

to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
it's
finished?"
Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then
turns to
her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to
be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a
nice cup
of tea, and then ........"

He sighed................

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box

[jlb001]

"May I ask what the turkey did?"